Have you heard the expression, “stay small, stay safe”? I hadn’t until the night I had a long conversation with a friend about the fractured state of our country. We talked about what the future looked like for our daughters, my work with Indivisible, his time in the military, and our worries about the current descent into fascism. My friend, who did three tours in Iraq and is permanently disabled as a result, ended our conversation by saying, “Take care of yourself. Stay small, stay safe.” It may have been a career soldier’s reflexive goodbye, but it gave me pause.
I am grateful for his concern for my safety, but we are not at war, I am not in a foxhole, and I am convinced that staying small to stay safe is the absolute worst thing I can do right now—especially when I am not a part of a vulnerable or targeted group. Unfortunately, many in my demographic feel powerless, uncertain, and afraid. They are choosing to stay small.
Here’s a sampling of what people—white, middle-class folks who enjoy the lion’s share of society’s protections—have said to me:
“What if they see my ActBlue donation and I’m targeted for donating to a ‘terrorist organization?’”
“I’m afraid if I speak out, they’ll audit me or take my house away.”
“I can’t be quoted in the paper. I don’t want my name out there.”
“If my employer sees me at a protest, I could lose my job.”
The urge to make oneself less noticeable and avoid conflict is a hard-wired human survival strategy. Whether you’ve used this tactic to avoid being targeted by the school bully or an abusive parent, becoming invisible provides an illusion of safety. But detaching from reality and blending in leaves you alone with your fear. It also makes you a complicit bystander to human suffering.
That’s exactly what the Trump administration wants. They want you to be afraid and small and manageable.
They want to invoke the Insurrection Act without pushback from ordinary American citizens.
They want us numb and glazed over when federal troops flood our communities.
They want us afraid to document masked ICE agents as they drag mothers out of cars, raid daycares, shoot pastors in the head, and conduct warrantless searches and arrests.
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I expected and braced myself for many of the disgusting actions of this administration: the wholesale abuse of immigrants, the attacks on medicine and science, the grifting and lawlessness, the weaponization of the Department of Justice, the demonizing of transgender people, the shameless lies, and the destruction of public education.
What I didn’t expect to discover was that while Trumpism is a national scourge, it is also a mirror that reveals who we are, what we tolerate, and what we’re willing to do—or not do—when we’re tested.
This weekend, millions of Americans will take to the streets for the next No Kings protest for democracy. I hope you join us—all you need to do is find one near you and show up. Then, keep showing up in whatever way you can: at community meetings, in conversations with neighbors, in the choices you make every day. Stepping forward and speaking out matters more than you think. Our country is thirsting for moral courage and for citizen leaders to act despite their fear, people who choose to defend the Constitution even when the outcome is uncertain.
What we must not do is retreat into our little cocoons.
Every time one of us stands up to defend democracy, human rights, and basic decency, we remind others that they are not alone. And who knows? It may even change the reflection we see in the mirror.
It may also keep our country from falling apart.
This article was originally published at the human i™ newsletter, and is republished here with permission.
