I went to Park City with my family in January to take part in the Sundance Festival. For the last few years I was a participant in a documentary called Bucks County, USA, which seeks to understand the political divides within my school district – something The New York Times has dubbed “The School Board Wars”. I had no idea what kind of experience I was walking into, however, by the end of my time at Sundance I had gained a deeper understanding of my political views and my place in the world. It only took hours of panicking to get me there.
My family and I are very liberal, and I have been a political activist for years. I spoke at school board meetings about queer rights and racism, went to countless protests, and spent hours debating with strangers on the internet about civil issues and policies.
Despite my outspokenness, one of my dearest friends comes from a completely different background. Her parents are right-wing Trump supporters who have funded school board candidates that I immensely disagree with. However, the two of us really connected before I even knew about her family. Once I found out, it made me a little nervous, but soon I came to accept it and figured it might actually be a plus. If I stayed in my tiny bubble of Democratic friends and never heard other people’s perspectives, then I would end up just as insular and narrow minded as I think they are.
Although my progressive views on civil rights are unswayable, I was willing to hear her out about other issues, and gain depth to my understanding of the outside world and other people’s perceptions of it. My efforts were rewarded by her extending me the same courtesy. I like to think we both influence each other in positive ways by attempting to see each other as individuals with complex feelings. I also hoped our friendship could be an opportunity for me to help her gain some understanding and empathy for minorities in this country and the issues they face. Issues she herself will face as a young woman.
READ: It Takes a Village: Expelling Right-Wing Extremism from Bucks County School Districts
I believe it’s very important for everyone, particularly young people, to form friendships outside of their comfort bubbles … even if it makes them uncomfortable. It’s how we are able to build bridges and change minds. Everyone is much more likely to listen to people they care about when it comes to uncomfortable topics like politics. It’s crucial to approach people with a genuine desire to understand their worldview if you expect them to listen to yours.
Regardless, once this documentary team caught wind of a strong friendship between two young women whose parents were as far at odds politically as one could be, they created a film with our friendship as the focal point. And they framed it as a sort of feel-good story about hope in the midst of a political crisis in America.
I was very eager to get the opportunity to share my message of free discussion and debate with a larger audience, and I was even more excited when the documentary gained actual traction and was set to premiere at the largest film festival for independent artists in America – Sundance! But here’s where the nerves kicked in.
At this festival, there would be a premiere of the first two episodes of the documentary to a large audience. No biggie, I had seen the documentary before, and I felt comfortable with the way my friend and I were portrayed. The problem was, after the screening, my friend and I (along with the rest of the cast) would be called to the front of the auditorium to answer questions from the audience.
This is what freaked me out. I have always been steady in my beliefs, and I’m good at getting my point across. But this was different. Anyone could be in that audience. I didn’t want to potentially say something stupid in the stress of the moment and put harmful or misleading rhetoric into the world. America was already a mess politically and socially with the new Trump administration. I didn’t want to slip up and use my first opportunity ever to reach the media to make it worse. But still, I would try my best. I really had no other options.
The day of the premiere, we arrived at a spacious auditorium and I was awed by the size of the crowd. All of these people with their own independent opinions were about to hear my truest thoughts on our nation’s hot button issues. What would they think of me? And what would they ask me afterwards?? I filed into my seat uneasily and waited for the film to commence.
The viewing process was intense. It’s always surreal to see yourself on screen. I found myself nitpicking every little thing that came out of my mouth. It didn’t help that I could feel the tenseness in the crowd around me. I know the political scene is hot right now; it made sense they’d have emotional reactions. I only hoped other Democrats recognized and respected me, and that Republicans could at least hear me out on the views I expressed.
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Finally, the end credits rolled across the screen. My heart rate began to quicken all over again as I realized the panel was about to commence.
Sure enough, the announcers began to call the cast up to the very front of the auditorium. They had told me beforehand that they planned to call me and my friend’s name last so that people would cheer for us as we walked up. Great, another additive to the pressure… Sure enough, eventually they called me up and I was met with much applause. Instead of stressing me out, it somewhat emboldened me! If the crowd really liked me as much as their cheering indicated, maybe I didn’t have to worry so much about their questions after all…
That illusion was quickly shattered however, as soon as the question-and-answer section began. The entire audience was up out of their seats yelling and demanding to know the answers to questions I couldn’t even decipher. It took me a few moments to even register that this commotion wasn’t even directed at me but at the people in the cast opposed to me. The emotions in their voices cut through me. One woman described how a family member had taken his own life as a result of homophobia identical to the kind the other side was spreading. I swallowed hard… Oh god… What if she thinks my friendship is a problem? Or even worse, what if when it’s my turn to answer a question I say something in bad taste and hurt her even more? I felt the panic course through me.
Eventually one woman’s voice caught the director’s attention. She asked him why they only focused on the discourse between Democrats and Republicans and excluded moderates in the documentary. The director took the microphone and answered with a calmness that directly contrasted the tense state of the crowd. “Well…” He began “The true moderates in the story are the children.” He said gesturing to me and my friend beside me.
I went pale as all my worst fears came to fruition. They were simplifying my message and story down to an unrecognizable point! I was not a moderate by any means. I stand for the progression of democratic ideals within society, rather than an adherence to the status quo. Without thinking, I snatched the microphone out of the director’s hands, mid sentence. I faced directly towards the crowd and spoke with a greater confidence than I had possessed throughout the entire day.
“I am not a moderate. I am a Democrat, I simply believe in open discussion, especially between the youth,” I said. With that, I passed along the mic to the next person with their hand raised, and the conversation turned topics once again.
I’ll never know the exact reactions of the crowd. I’m sure what I said made a lot of people disagree with me, and others admire me more. Either way, upon reflection, I’m proud of myself. I stuck to my truth and I kept my message consistent when it counted most. But maybe most of all, I’m proud that I had the courage to do so. I took charge of my situation and refused to let somebody else speak for me in front of a whole crowd of strangers. It’s that strength that I somehow found inside myself that gives me hope.
Maybe I can make my country better after all.
