President Donald Trump governs the United States like he ran his mom-and-pop real estate shop. At The Trump Organization he ruled by barking orders at yes-persons. Trump likewise rules the Nation by barking orders, officially known as Executive Orders – 217 so far. As President, his Republican minions in Congress rubber stamp his every whim while during televised meetings his Cabinet members take turns swimming in their obsequiousness. Every day the news reports another Trump violation of society’s norms.
Executive Order 14172 changed Denali to Mount McKinley and the Gulf of Mexico to The Gulf of America. Executive Order 14347 renamed the Department of Defense to the Department of War. He has renamed our tallest mountain, the world’s largest Gulf, and the largest Government Agency.
Now our National Parks also bear his imprint. He made park admission free on his birthday, at the same time cancelling the free days on Martin Luther King Jr. ’s birthday and Juneteenth. Besides the racism in changing Denali and cancelling MLK and Juneteenth, Trump has desecrated the Flag by making it share its birthday, Flag Day, with a man who does not believe in the principles of our democracy.
Even that did not satisfy Trump’s insatiable ego, so the 2026 National Parks annual pass will feature portraits of George Washington and Trump. Trump’s portrait has raised the issue of legality but the law has never been his concern. Some people have taken matters into their own hands and placed stickers over his face, which nullifies the pass. I suggest the National Park Service start using his mugshot to avoid that embarrassment. At worst, maybe a few domestic terrorists will doodle a toothbrush mustache under his nose.
As a businessman Trump put his name and face on everything. There is Trump Tower, Trump National Golf Courses, and before it went bankrupt, the Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino. He sold Trump steaks, Trump wine and Trump Vodka. He even operated a phony university called Trump University which was sued for fraud and deceptive practices costing him $25,000,000. And even as President he hawks his watches and sneakers like some street vendor viewed with a jaundiced eye.
Now he is putting his name and face on property that belongs to the United States. Pining away over not winning the Nobel Peace Prize despite settling 7 or 8 wars, he changed the name of the The Institute of Peace to the Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace. Then he tacked his tacky name on the building. The Department of Labor hung a “3-story” tall banner on its building with Trump’s face as if we live in the country of the man with whom Trump “fell in love with”. He is even trying to get his face engraved on our money. The Treasury Department has worked on a $1 commemorative coin showing a profile of Trump. There is no word yet whether Trump will be hired for a fee he will surely donate to charity to hawk the coins on TV.
His most controversial name change has been to take the beloved Kennedy Center and change its name to the Donald J.Trump and John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. The Kennedy family strongly objected, no doubt because connecting his name to John F. Kennedy lends credibility to a man who has none. Since the name change and the appointment of Trump as Chairman of the Board, the Kennedy Center has seen declining attendance and artists cancellations. The book Everything Trump Touches Dies is well-named.
Through a “Deep State contact,” I possess Trump’s next Executive Order. It makes Project 2025 look like innocent democratic reform.
Executive Order – 14547
“By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered.
Section 1. Purpose and Policy. In the grand tradition of honoring our presidents we must celebrate the legacy of the greatest President of all, Donald J. Trump. To accomplish this noble goal these rebranding efforts shall be implemented in a short period of time. First, the United States of America will be rebranded as Trump’s America. The Pledge of Allegiance, all maps and United States currency shall be revised accordingly. Second, the American Flag will feature Donald J. Trump’s face in place of the stars. He will be pictured as the young handsome man he is with a full head of perfectly coiffed hair. The stars will be removed from the flag and stored in a Mar-a-lago bathroom. Third, our national anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, will be replaced since we no longer will have the stars. Instead our national anthem will be his favorite, the Village People’s Y.M.C.A. Fourth, the White House (or its remains) will be renovated to look like Mar-a-Lago since the Rose Garden now already looks like a Mar-a-Lago patio. Donald J. Trump shall act as the general contractor since he knows how to work with subcontractors. He still has not paid the subcontractors who built Trump Tower. This means he is smart, a very stable genius. Fifth, Donald J. Trump’s face shall be sculpted on Mt. Rushmore and will be 10 feet higher than the four incompetent presidents who will share his mountain. Sixth, the Department of War has been renamed The Ministry of Peace in light of Trump’s peacekeeping efforts around the world especially in the Western Hemisphere. The Ministry of Truth was created to rewrite the January 6th history so future generations will know the truth. This Ministry is now focused on its next project to rewrite the historical record so it correctly shows that slaves were better off being enslaved than being free.
Section 2. The Court. The Supreme Court, which is really smart, will retain its name; A Court, “if you can keep it,” unless they overturn Trump’s tariffs.
Section 3. Appointment to current plan. Marco Rubio in addition to his other jobs and running Venezuela, Rubio will be appointed to implement the changes in Section 1. This should be completed in about two weeks.
Section 4. Appointment to future plan. Leading this effort will be Steven Miller, who is younger than Trump but whom Trump still thinks of as his “Big Brother” and Russ Vought who drafted “Project 2025” which Trump pinky swears he never heard of. They will identify future rebrandings in a short period of time.
Section 5. Prayer. As I have shown my willingness to muzzle the free press and stamp out peaceful protests the First Amendment is hereby repealed. We must celebrate Christmas again in this country and be allowed to pray. God Bless Donald J. Trump. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
