“When your child asks if the world will make room for her, you stop treating policy like politics and start treating it like family.” At Out & Equal, a speaker asked, “Does anyone care to know us?” As a mom in Bucks County, I can tell you the answer depends on who shows up. This November, I’m showing up.

Two weeks ago I attended the Out & Equal Workplace Summit in Seattle, my fifth summit and third in person. Out & Equal is a national organization working to make workplaces fair and welcoming for LGBTQ+ people. Each year, thousands of employees, leaders, and allies gather to learn from one another. Every time, I come home with something to put to work in my life, my community, and my job.

This year’s theme was “The Power of &,” and it felt personal. So much of life isn’t either/or. It’s belonging & honesty, safety & authenticity, what organizations say & what people actually experience. As a mom, I live in the “&” every day: I can love my community & hold it accountable. Holding both is harder, and that’s where the growth happens.

Being seen takes more than a slogan

Law professor Kenji Yoshino, author of Say the Right Thing, described “covering” as the quiet pressure to tone down who we are to fit in. He also warned that technology is making it worse, from apps that erase accents to algorithms that penalize certain words. You don’t have to be LGBTQ+ to recognize this. Think of the last time you softened your voice or stayed quiet to avoid trouble.

Another session reminded us that belonging and safety go together. A welcoming poster means little if someone feels they need armor just to walk into work. One speaker asked leaders a hard question: Does your team feel they need it? And Sue Bird, legendary WMBA champion, said it simply: Being known opens the door, and being seen helps you walk through it.

Stories that stayed with me

Some of the most powerful moments were personal. Trans activist, author, and former editor of Out magazine Raquel Willis shared the story of growing up in a Black Catholic family in Georgia, joined by her mother and sister. Their message: values are seeds, planted by family and grown through love and listening. Her mom lived the “&” by holding tradition & change, faith & love for her child.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert, best known for Eat, Pray, Love, spoke about fear and curiosity. If you have even one percent curiosity, she said, you also have fear, and you get to choose which one leads. I thought about every parent, employee, and neighbor who has hesitated to speak up. Courage doesn’t mean the fear goes away. It means curiosity gets the microphone.

And in a session on joy, I was reminded that joy is not frivolous. It’s connection, and sometimes it’s survival. The speakers said your existence alone is revolutionary. I plan to repeat that to the people I love.

What “home” means

In a workshop on Pride campaigns, one company built its message around a simple theme: “When I Think of Home.” It worked because home means something to everyone, including employees around the world who can’t safely be out. Inclusion works best when it starts with what we share and puts real investment behind it.

I also learned how design thinking applies to belonging. Don’t assume what people need. Ask, listen, and test. Even AI came up, described as both a mirror & a multiplier: powerful, but capable of repeating our biases. We have to hold technology & humanity at the same time.

What this means at home

My family has lived this in Bucks County. Our community went through years of painful debate over school policies, books, and whether every student felt safe. What happened next is the lesson. Voters elected a new school board majority in November 2023, and at its first meeting the board moved to rescind the policies in question. 

Neighbors showed up, and things changed. That’s the Power of &: speaking up & voting. 

Statewide, the conversation continues. Pennsylvania has been described as the only state in the northeast without codified protections against discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. The state House narrowly passed a bill to change that, by a vote of 101 to 100. Every vote counts, and so does every vote cast in two weeks. 

For your ballot on November 3

I’m not here to tell you how to vote. I’m asking you to bring the “&” with you. Some questions worth carrying in:

• Where do the people asking for your vote, stand on protecting every neighbor from discrimination at work, at school, and at home?
• Do they listen to people who are different from them, or only speak about them?
• Are they asking whose voice isn’t in the room?

You can care about the economy & civil rights. You can hold your faith & support your neighbor. You can love your kid & listen to them. These are not opposites.

What you can do this week

Make a plan to vote. Notice who isn’t in the room and invite them. One speaker challenged leaders to name one person they will actively support, so I’ll pass it on: who is yours? And if someone trusts you with their story, believe them.

I left Seattle tired, grateful, and more certain than ever that listening is a form of love. Belonging isn’t a department or a month on the calendar. It’s a relationship, built by ordinary people making small choices every day. Bucks County has the heart for it. Let’s show up & prove it.